Why am I such a Scrooge?

Shesh whats wrong with me? Every year around this time I'm usually happy, and I love these holidays, but for the past two years, I've been so...depressed. 'Tis the season to be jolly" but clearly that's not happening. Now during this season I've been filled with nothing but sadness and anger. I go around and hear everyone making plans on doing something, with their friends and family, but then, in my head, I just think about the things I'm NOT doing with my friends and family. Some friends are not here, some friends are off doing things with their other friends and family, and some here don't want to do anything at all. And my family? Well, we don't do much during this holiday. The best New Year's celebration has been WITHOUT my family, and it wasn't too much. Christmas presents are sort of non-existant. And a tree? My family doesn't know the definition of a tree, at least not anymore. I used to love this time of year. I used to say, "the only good part of winter is Christmas. After that, the rest doesn't matter," but now, I hate winter all together. I can't seem to find comfort anywhere. When I'm home, I may be home alone, but the heat here is half on. Sometimes theres not much food here which leads me to go out to get some, which is somewhat of a walk, or order unhealthy take out. If I'm home at Jersey City, I have to deal with my sister, not to mention I'll have no friends there to hang out with. What bothers me the most is that no one wants to do anything, at all! I know this town does not have much to offer, but we can at least still hang out. But no one wants to do that. All I do is sit at home all day, playing WoW or some other mind-numbing game. I like games, but there is a limit. I do anything to be progressive, like learn new songs on the guitar or go out for a jog, but there needs to be more to my daily schedule. I'm going stir crazy! I'm angry that I'm so alone! I know I should appreciate the things I have, but, I just can't right now. I just want to do something!
I don't feel right sometimes. I feel like I'm a shell of what I used to be before. I feel like that I should be happy, and that I'm forcing myself to act like it, but deep down inside, I'm not. I'm not quite sure though. I think I've fooled even myself to thinking I'm alright, but I don't think I am. I'm confused I guess. I need to work this out. I really wish I had someone to talk to about this, but when I do, I feel like the person doesn't understand truly what I'm going through. Maybe no one CAN help me in this. Maybe all I have right now is myself. Maybe the only person who can help me is me.
I spend these last hours of the year not reminising, but exasperating. This blog wasn't supposed to be filled with posts of how sad or upset I am, but it appears to be the only way to channel this out. I can't talk to anyone about this because no one understands. I don't want to keep this bottled up though. This is the first time I've ever felt like crawling in a hole and hiding there. C'mon John, you need to get your head straight.
Here's to the new year...