Physical/Mental/Emotional/Social Exhaustion

I write this because I think I will feel better once I do.
Everything has suddenly become so difficult. It has only been about 6 weeks into school, and already I feel like I have reached my limit. Lately, I have just been so physically tired since almost every day I have to walk to school. It is only a 20 minute walk one way, but then I have to walk it back as well. What is different this semester is that the bridge connecting Hoboken and Newport is open, so the time it takes to get to school is just a flat 20 minutes, but its all walking. I used to take the Pathtrain, which at least would give me a place to sit down halfway through the commute. It isn not the walk that tires me out however. I also sometimes do not get enough sleep the night before. I do not usually function very well without adequate sleep, so making room in my schedule to have sleep is a must, but you know how us college students are, we stay up late for no apparent reason. I really wish I could change my mentality to realize that the earlier I sleep, the earlier I wake up. I have been so tired that I do not really do what I used to do a few weeks ago. I used to hit the gym many times during the week, play tennis whenever I could, cook my own food, and stay physically healthy, but it seems as if I do not have time for that anymore. Whenever I do have time however, I am just so tired that the only thing I want to do is play video games. Its almost I am reverting back to my old self, my old lazy self. This semester, I do not have the luxury of staying at someone's dorm, a place with a bed to nap or relax. Guess I took Cianyl's dorm room for granted. Finding food to eat has because such a hassle. I want to order delivery, but in the back of my mind, I know that delivery is pricey, and on top of that, unhealthy. People always tell me to stop thinking about it, but I cannot help it. Money is not the issue to me, its the nutritional value. I would like to think that I have come a long way from the "Tubby" days. I would rather not go back to old bad habits. But sometimes, I cannot help it. I do not have the urge to cook my own food as much anymore, which leads me to ordering out, which leads to unhealthy habits, which leads to weight gain, which leads back to the lifestyle I used to live, which ultimately leads to sadness. I do not want to go back there again. Being physically happy is very important to me, and I have been, up until now...
What makes matters worse is that my mental stamina has almost run out. I was so worried about doing so well the beginning of this semester, I think I used up all my juice. I did start off well this semester though, I actually have a B in calculus for once, well for now, but now the material in all the classes are getting harder, and I feel I do not have any more focus left in me. I catch myself many times not paying attention in class. I feel like I always seem to switch my focus on other things, like looking at the weather outside, or picking at my nails, so much that I do not pay attention to the material in the class, material that is more conceptual to the subject and crucial to pay attention to. Not to mention, I have a few "joke" classes where I have no idea what is going on in. Its getting really hard to focus on almost anything any more. What can I do to feel mentally normal again? Its like, I cannot focus on this blog without looking around the room every once in awhile or looking outside the window for something interesting or picking at my nails!
On top of all this, I do not feel completely...happy, anymore. Generally, I am happy. You can probably see my smiling every now and then, and I can assure you that it is not a facade. Usually when I am smiling, I am usually thinking about something happy, that makes me smile, but lately, any happy though has been concealed from my mind. It almost feels as if I am on auto pilot. I tend to think, a lot, about anything, when I see something, I analyze it, even to completely random things, like how a tree branch looks like a hand. My mind is really random sometimes, its spontaneous, and its just the way I like it, but now with all this going on, I cannot seem to think...of anything, anymore. These thoughts would cause spontaneous outbursts every now and then, I would not call it tourettes syndrome, more like, keeping life interesting, but without any spontaneous thoughts, there are no spontaneous outbursts, which means a dull life. Where is the fun? I do not understand why I am feeling like this . Is it depression? Is all this causing me to lose my sanity? I try not to stay sad for too long, so if it is depression, I do not know if I would know how it feels like, and I feel as if I have a firm grip on reality. I know I am alive, I know where I am, I know who I am, I know the date, I know why I am at Stevens, even psychological tests deem me as mentally stable and understands his reality, but yet, I still feel I am on...autopilot.
With barely any time to myself, I cannot do many things I want. I am a guy that revolves around his hobbies, but with so little time, I cannot pursuit them. Like I said, I barely have any time to work out, tennis rarely gets fit in, even less with winter coming closer and closer every day, I have no time to look up new recipes to cook up, and my guitar that I got for my birthday is collecting dust! I do not have any time to do archery, go bowling, pay attention to Wall Street anymore, or dance. The only thing I seem to do is play video games, and I do not truly want to play video games all the time, sometimes, its just the only thing I can do. Its almost like a chore than entertainment. Being unhealthy and playing video games all day are my old bad habits. If I really did come a long way from the old days, and now I am going back to the old days, has all this work to get this far been for nothing?
I cannot not even pursuit my aspirations as well. I want nothing more than to go out and do the things I want, but I never can. I want to have fun, but it never happens. I always set goals, but I never succeed at them. One goal was to meet a lot of freshmen, get out there, and meet some new faces, but I have only met a few. Another goal was to go out and be active. Get involved with the school, but clearly, that is not happening.
I feel so alone as well. No one wants to do or can do anything most of the time. I am not the only one who probably has a busy schedule, but because of this, everyone else is tired as well. No one wants to do anything at all. The past couple of Wednesdays, days when we have hours and hours to do anything, we do nothing! Hall Brawls was just on Wednesday, and looking outside from the depressing windows of Jacobus, I felt....something. I cannot exactly describe what it was, but jealousy and anger are perhaps the closest words. Seeing everyone outside...having fun, and getting active, interactive with each other...while me and all my friends were inside, playing video games or doing some work because they had nothing better to do, or doing nothing at all! Fridays are no better. Everyone goes out on Fridays, remember? Last Friday was my friend Sam's birthday, and we went out...for once. His car broke down on the way to his own birthday get together, which was really bad for all of us. Even with this tragedy, that Friday was perhaps the best Friday I have had...in awhile. Fortunately for me, the next Friday, my friends from back home came to my place on this past Thursday. They needed a place to crash so they could visit the city on Friday. While they went to the city, I had to go to school, but they met up with me after class was finished in the city. It was fun to hang out with old friends. We actually got into Dave and Busters even though we were only 19. These are probably the only two "big" things I have done all semester. Almost every Friday I stay around school, looking around for people, anyone, that I know, that is willing to do something, anything at all. I just do not want to go home on a Friday at like 7 PM. That is no way to end on a Friday. Many times though, I do not find anyone to do anything with. Sometimes they go home, or already left to do something with their friends, or some just completely disappear off the face of the earth until Monday. But whatever the case may be, the result has been always the same every Friday for me, a lonely walk home.
Physically stability, mental stability, emotional stability, and social stability have been the four key points of my life, the four struts that keep me standing. These four struts are what kept me happy, and even when one or even two would give out, I could still stand, but now, with everything breaking underneath me, I feel as if I am...falling I guess. Whatever is happening, all I know is that something needs to change, now!